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Posts from the Withdrawal Period

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Here are two entries I made on a private page of this blog during the time talked about in the “Withdrawal” entry. As you can see, I was in denial that my anxiety was anything other than a reaction to the medication taper. I also talk about one of my other big concerns about getting pregnant – how it could affect my job. OPK = Ovulation Predictor Kit; CD3 = Cycle Day 3; RE = Reproductive Endocrinologist (fertility doctor)

Early July 2012

“Today and the past couple of days have been hard. I’m weaning off the Cymba1ta that I take for my Fibromyalgia. This means that I’m dizzy, disoriented, foggy, and raw. I’m irritable and anxious. I’m in hell. Even something as simple as getting my blood pressure taken at the doctor this morning is terribly painful. I just keep telling myself that this will all be worth it. I’m currently in the middle of a “test cycle” with the RE. That means that this cycle we’re doing bloodwork and ultrasounds but skipping the insemination. I should ovulate any day now and go in for a blood draw next week some time. My CD3 ultrasound and bloodwork all came back normal. Hopefully, we’ll get the same news from the post-ovulation bloodwork and will be ready to do our first insemination in early August. I’m so ready to get this show on the road, and for this Cymba1ta to be out of my system so that I can feel human again.”

Seven days later

“I woke up yesterday to a positive OPK and a huge leap forward in getting through the Cymba1ta withdrawal. For the first time in weeks, I am dizzy less often than I am not, and I actually feel like it’s completely safe for me to drive. I called the RE yesterday after getting that smiley on the OPK. I’m scheduled for bloodwork a week from yesterday. As long as that comes back showing nothing unexpected, we will proceed with an unmedicated IUI the next time I ovulate. I have suddenly gotten very nervous and excited and nervous. 😉 One of my lingering concerns about getting pregnant is linked to the fact that my reliability at work already suffers due to my Fibromyalgia. I don’t have a lot of leave built up, because I have to use it, and I have to call in unexpectedly way more than I would prefer. I’m worried that because I’m in the kind of relationship that requires significant planning for pregnancy, my getting pregnant will be frowned upon by my supervisor. He has been nothing but supportive as I’ve struggled with my Fibromyalgia, but how is it going to go over when I’ve purposely added another “complication” to the mix? I wouldn’t blame someone for questioning that. It’s been one of my concerns all along, but I (along with my wife) decided that this is something we are ready to do now. I shouldn’t have to put off such a huge life decision because I have a chronic illness. I will not sacrifice an attempt to carry a child simply because we have another uterus in the house. If I was building a family with a cis male, there would be no option for him to carry, and I wouldn’t have this worry. I just don’t want to be seen as irresponsible. I take pride in the fact that I’m (we’re) anything but…”