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Monthly Archives: July 2013


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This is supposed to be our cycle, the one I’m supposed to start any day now. I actually achieved (within 5 pounds) the weight goal which at one point I thought was impossible. As is often the case though, life had other plans.

Years ago (at least 5, probably more), I was diagnosed with a rotator cuff tear. I did PT and stopped playing softball and lived with it. It was mostly just a minor annoyance when I’d overdone it. That was until recently. I had a really bad pain flare in early June. The rheumatologist gave me a cortisone injection and told me I could not lift anything heavier than 20 lbs (including Little Man) for at least 48 hours. That helped get the pain under control. Then, two weekends ago, I was playing with Little Man in our little backyard pool. Playing involved tossing the little dare-devil above my head and letting him splash down into the water. I knew it wasn’t a good idea, but the big brown eyes, the incessant giggling, and the signing and saying “More Momma!” were more than I could handle saying no to. The next morning, I couldn’t even lift my arm to shoulder level and it didn’t get much better in the coming days. As expected, the GP referred me to ortho. Instead of starting BCP in preparation for IVF stims at the end of the week, I’ll be having an MRI. The specialist already warned me that the most likely course of action is surgery. If there is a good side, I suppose it’s that this happened before an embryo transfer so that I can go under anesthesia without the additional worry of harm to a potential pregnancy. More waiting sure does stink though…

In the meantime, my friend and I are working on pulling together the joint blog post I mentioned before.


Types of Donors

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There is a lot of confusion even within the community of people who have conceived via donor insemination about what the different labels regarding anonymity of donors actually mean. This is especially frustrating for me as a donor conceived person. If people do not even have a full grasp of the terminology, how can they make a fully informed decision? So just in case you’re stumbling across this post and could use a better understanding of all the labels and options, here you go…

Two types of donors are typically available from cryobanks.

  • Anonymous donors have no ID or contact options. Unless, at some point the donor contacts the bank and wants to allow for contact (this is rare), the only information ever available to offspring will be the profile information from the bank.
  • Willing-to-be-Known (WTBK) Donors, also known as ID Release Donors, have agreed to contact from offspring. Typically this option becomes available when the child turns 18.
  • Some people choose not to go through a cryobank. Most of the time, donors found through a registry or known previously by the family are referred to as Known Donors regardless of the actual level of contact or how well they’re actually “known”. These arrangements go from biological relatives of the non-biological intended parent to the equivalent of a one night stand and everything in between.

    The last possibility that comes to mind is a co-parenting arrangement. This is when there is an agreement in place for the donor to be a parent to the child whether legally or otherwise. This is the only time you should even remotely assume that it would be okay to refer to a child’s donor as the child’s dad.

    I know it can get confusing, but using the right terminology, especially when discussing the effect of anonymity on the donor selection, is critical.