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Requesting Your Input

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I have a friend who is a late discovery adoptee. She was in her 30s when she found out that she had been adopted as an infant. I was in my 30s when I found out that I was donor-conceived. We’ve been discussing a joint blog post mainly focused on our feelings regarding donor anonymity as it relates to our children (we each have one) conceived before our discoveries and to the ones we hope to have in the future. We agree on many points but do have our different views and want to explore that with this post. So, where you come in is that we’ve chosen to do this in an interview format and would appreciate any questions you would like for us to answer as part of this co-post. Also, if you would like, please feel free to share a link to this post on your own blog or Facebook so that we might get a broader range of questions.



About Momma

Back in the late 70s, my parents used donor sperm to conceive. The product was me. I did not know until the month that my own son, carried by my wife, was born, that I had been conceived any way other than the "old-fashioned way". So, here I am, the non-bio mom to a little guy who was conceived with the help of donor sperm having been conceived through the use of donor sperm myself. This is surely an unusual family dynamic, but I am certain that it is not entirely unique. I reside in the Midwest with my wife "Mommy" and our son "Little Man".

4 responses »

  1. What a great idea. I’m really looking forward to reading. Of course, I’d be interested in both of your perspectives on letting your child take the lead. Whenever issues come up around talking about donor conception, I find that some of us offer early explanations without our kids asking and others wait until kids ask questions. I’d be curious to hear what kinds of approaches the two of you have taken, as well as your approaches to any donor sibling connections.

  2. OK, I have another one, but I’m really just curious about your thoughts and I’m it’s likely not appropriate for the blog post you are working on

    Dan Savage recently had a call from a man who it appears created a bio-kid with a woman he was sleeping with while she was married to someone else. Neither the girl (now 12 I think) nor the husband know, according the the caller, who asks the girl’s right to know trumps the mom’s right to keep the secret. Dan end up basically advising this guy to stay out of the girl’s life, maybe announcing himself after she turns 18 or maybe not — you can hear the whole thing here:

    I keep thinking about the call. On the one hand, I think the girl should know — this is too big of a secret to keep, and I do think she has a right to know about her genetic origins. On the other hand, 12 seems like an intense time as Dan Savage points out. It kind of seems like no time is a good time, particularly if the father has no idea about the infidelity. So I’m curious what kind of advice you might give in this situation. But please feel free to ignore if this isn’t the sort of thing that interests you, I’ve just gotten a little obsessed with this people that I don’t know 😉

  3. Pingback: Ugh… | Footnotes On The Family Tree

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