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Thoughts on dads

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Back when we first began our journey to have a child, I obviously knew that s/he wouldn’t have a dad. I did, however, imagine the roles that our dads, Grandpa L and Grandpa B, would play in his/her life. I always imagined that Father’s Day would be devoted to the doting grandfathers. Sadly, just over a month after our first attempt at TTC, Grandpa L passed away suddenly from a short battle with Lymphoma. About three and a half long years later, we finally got the wonderful news that we were indeed expecting. Five days later, we lost Grandpa B (my dad) to complications related to his paralysis. That first year, at least, after my dad’s passing was spent grieving my loss. As time has passed, I’ve transitioned into grieving more for Little Man’s loss. I’m sad that he won’t have these incredible grandpas who his moms were so lucky to call “Dad”. My mind knows that the gender of Little Man’s parents matters far less than the fact that he has two of us who love him with all that we are. My heart still hurts that he’ll miss out. I’m quite capable of teaching Little Man how to wield a hammer, throw a football, and bait a hook, but I have not and never will be one of the guys… He was supposed to have his grandfathers for that.

I realize that this perspective may be controversial to some in my community. I’m not saying that my son NEEDS a dad. I just wish that he had our dads around, because I have such fond memories of the relationship I had with mine.

About Momma

Back in the late 70s, my parents used donor sperm to conceive. The product was me. I did not know until the month that my own son, carried by my wife, was born, that I had been conceived any way other than the "old-fashioned way". So, here I am, the non-bio mom to a little guy who was conceived with the help of donor sperm having been conceived through the use of donor sperm myself. This is surely an unusual family dynamic, but I am certain that it is not entirely unique. I reside in the Midwest with my wife "Mommy" and our son "Little Man".

One response »

  1. You are of course entitled to your opininon, no matter what others think. I happen to think that your feelings are completely justified.

    We’re luck that The Bean’s Grandpa and Poppy are both still around, but unfortunately they both live far away. Still, we try to nurture the relationships. They’re special ones.


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